


What Happened in Riverbend?

by TheWhitetowerReaper



Category: Blades of Light and Shadow (Visual Novel), Choices - Fandom, Choices: Stories You Play
Genre: CSA, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Dives more into Raine's childhood, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Mal comforts Raine/MC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-24 14:28:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30073674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWhitetowerReaper/pseuds/TheWhitetowerReaper
Summary: Takes place after book one. MC (Raine) and Mal have been living together just outside of White Tower for about a month at this point while he plans out what to do for his old neighborhood. He wakes up one night finding Raine outside, clearly disturbed. She confides in him about long-hidden trauma.
Relationships: Mal Volari/MC, Mal Volari/Main Character (Blades of Light and Shadow), Mal Volari/Original Female Character(s)





	What Happened in Riverbend?

Raine had few true secrets. She had always divulged it to someone at one point, usually her brother. Kade was Raine’s confidant, he knew virtually everything about her and vice-versa. While Raine was certain he had to have had secrets that he hadn’t told her, she knew  _ she _ did. It gave her chronic insomnia, and when she was able to sleep, it wasn’t uncommon for her to wake up through the night.

That’s what’s happening now. Living with Mal made waking up at night less frequent, but it still happened. She didn’t believe he’d noticed, but if he had, he hadn't said anything. 

It was still dark and  _ deathly _ quiet, like always. And just like every night before it, she looked up at the wood ceiling, mapping out its grooves with her eyes. The only sound was the soft breathing of the man next to her. He had his back to her, unable to see if he was awake, but she had no reason to think so. 

She tried hard to be as quiet as she could, she knew how easily Mal woke up - always a little on guard. 

Sneaking out into their living room, she made a beeline for their backdoor. The nighttime air had always been soothing to her. Stepping out, she could tell it had been raining earlier; the ground was still wet and muddy. Quickly slipping on her shoes, she tiptoed to their small garden table, one that was almost exclusively used for nights like this. 

She’d only told one person about what happened. She was 16, and it was her girlfriend, Eloria, who blamed her, hard. As if she had  _ any _ control over it. They broke up over it... so why would Raine even try again with someone else?

It wasn't the first time she tried to tell anyone about it though. She was barely 7 when it started, only a year living in Riverbend. Of course she tried to tell someone when it first happened! The only person she could tell, Kade. One problem - He  _ idolized  _ her attacker. He was the one who ‘saved’  ~~ them ~~ him, “This town been good to us! Not every village would take in a pair of orphans”. As if they were taken in for completely altruistic reasons. I guess he had no reason to think otherwise though, right?

She winced as the door slowly groaned behind her. She didn’t need to see who it was. She didn’t want to. She just wanted him to go away.

“Hey…” his voice was soft as his boots hit the mud. The ground sloshed as he went to move to sit beside her. She avoided his gaze, even though she knew it wouldn’t change anything. 

“What’s going on?” 

Her eyebrows knit together, “Nothing.”. Her tone was curt, and she knew it sounded mean. 

“Raine…” Mal sighed “It’s after 3 A.M., and you’re sitting in our muddy, cold backyard. Something’s wrong.” She couldn’t help but grimace at how tired he sounded.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to wake you up.” 

“This isn’t the first time.” That made her finally look up at him. He didn’t sound mad - more disappointed than anything. He just looked sad. She bit her lip, looking down. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because it’d only happened once before, and it was when we first moved in together. I figured you couldn’t sleep and wanted some time to yourself… ya know, since you’re not used to living with another person... does this happen a lot?”

“More times than it should.”

“You know you can talk to me right?”

She didn’t respond.

“Raine… look, if you’re worried I’m going to judge you or something-”

“No!” She looked up in a flash, startling both of them “It’s not-- I mean it doesn’t have to do with you particularly. I just… it’s hard to talk about. With anyone.” Quietly, she added, “Even with Kade.”. That made his eyebrows shoot up, he knew how close the faux siblings were.

“Even  _ Kade _ doesn’t know about this?”

She shook her head, feeling tears prick at her eyes. 

“… What happened?” He was leaning over now, trying to get her to look at him. 

“Mal… I really don’t wanna talk about it right now.”

“Listen, I won’t  _ force  _ you to talk about it or anything. But this is clearly really bothering you. And while I know it can’t help everything, talking about something takes a lot of the pressure off your shoulders. I know first hand, you taught me that.” He gave her a small smile. A smile he knew melted her every time. 

He was right. And she knew he was right. “Why don’t we go inside?” she suggested, giving him a small strained smile. He nodded and helped her up, making their way inside. 

She sat on their couch as he went off to their attached kitchen to start boiling some water for tea. Mal wasn’t like this with anyone. She knew how lucky she was - she was living with a thoughtful, confident, and cunning man. She was the only one who got to see him like this. It was obvious they loved each other - even if they hadn’t admitted it yet.

It was silent until Mal brought over the herbal mixture, a mug for each of them. He sat on the other side of the couch - clearly trying to give her enough space if she needed it. 

When it became obvious his girlfriend wasn't going to break the silence, he said “Raine, whatever happened - or whatever you're going through, I'll always be here, and  _ so will you.  _ I'm not going anywhere unless you want me to, and I'm sure as hell not going to let you slip away from your life.” 

“Mal… This isn't just a simple situation! It's not something I can explain easily--” Her long-held tears finally spilled, stopping the words in her throat. His hand slowly covered her own, before giving it a small squeeze. “That's ok. I'll still be here.”

Looking into his eyes briefly, she said “I just… I don’t want you to think less of me. And I know- I know you’re going to say you won’t but… you don’t know that. You can’t say that if you don’t know what this is about.” 

“You’re right. But we won’t know that until you tell me what happened.” He paused. “Was it something  _ you  _ did?”

“No. Not at all. I was… attacked…when I was young… multiple times.” 

“What kind of attack?” At this point, he suspected what she was talking about. He hoped it wasn’t rape, but he knew how common it was. Especially to someone as vulnerable as Raine would’ve been. 

It took her a minute before responding, and when she did, her voice was quiet and unsure.“Sexual.” His heart dropped. For once, he didn’t want to be right. 

“I am so so sorry, Raine.” His voice was low and quiet, before getting angrier, “Who the hell did that to you?” 

“The man that took Kade and I in… he’s well respected in Riverbend. Kade loves him, I don’t know how he’d react if I told him about it.” “Do you think he wouldn’t believe you?” 

“I don’t know… it’s not like he  _ doesn’t _ trust me, of course he does. But he also trusts Od- him. I - I just don-” “Wait, what's this guy’s name?!” The anger in his voice made her flinch. She knew he didn't mean  _ her _ harm, Mal isn't like that, but she didn't want him to be upset regardless. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel worse. But it doesn't seem like this guy faced any justice, and that's  _ sick _ .” 

“Trust me, I wish he would. But I can't come forward. I've only told one other person and she blamed me… how would a whole town believe me, you know?”

He sighed, setting down his mug, before moving closer to her. “I get that. Is that why you didn't want to tell me? You thought I'd blame you?” He held her hands when she didn't answer. She was crying at this point. “Hey. I'm never going to judge or fault you for something like this. I get why you have reservations. It can't be easy to talk about this.” 

“Thanks.” she mumbled. “It’s just, you know me as a  _ fighter _ . And I didn’t fight back hard enough-“ “Don’t say that. You were a child, you couldn’t fight back a grown man.” His voice was resolute, confident. She knew that he was realistically right, but she still felt that she could’ve done more.

“When did this happen?” 

Sighing, she replied, “It happened multiple times throughout the years, but I was seven when it started.” He cursed under his breath. “I remember Kade was staying at Riverbends doctor overnight. His sickness was getting worse. I thought he was going to die!” Raine’s voice got more desperate as she went on. She felt like she was drowning. 

“You must’ve been so scared”

“Yeah I… I’d practically just buried my parents. I wasn't ready for another death, you know? Kade was all I had. I didn’t want to be alone that night so I went into…  _ his _ room. I remember he reeked of ale. I tried to ignore it, I just wanted to be held and comforted.” She paused, taking a sip of tea. “He let me into his bed. And he  _ did _ let me curl up into him. He seemed to genuinely care about me… But then he started to touch me and I-” her crying overtook her, caving into herself.

He hated to see her like this. And he hated the farmer who did this to her. Wrapping his arms around his partner's frame he said “Raine I am so so sorry… If this is too hard to talk about you don't have to” “No it's… I need to talk about this. If you don't want to though-” “Hey, I'm going to be here no matter what. Whatever you're willing to tell me, I'll listen.” 

When she didn't say anything, he thought maybe she just didn't want to talk right then, even if she said she did. Maybe she realized it was too much right now. Before he could say anything, she divulged more. “It just felt… weird. I didn't know about  _ anything _ about sex yet! I didn't know what he was doing was wrong either. No one told me it was… I just assumed it was something you were supposed to do that I hadn't known about before. And it's not like it was full force at first either. The extremity of it happened gradually. That first night... it was more touching than anything.”

“You don’t need to get into details, but when  _ did _ it get more… extreme? More than touching?” As if what happened wasn’t extreme in and of itself. “Not long after. I’d say about a few months…” He swallowed, moving closer to her. “You said that this went on for  _ years _ . How… when did this stop?”

“Fourteen.” She scoffed. “He didn’t like that I was  _ developing _ … I guess. Obviously, I’m glad it stopped, but it’s good to know why.” The anger started rising in her voice. “When I was twelve I had started to fight back more. You know, a lot of people say there’s 2 responses to an assault.” “Fight or flight, yeah.” “Well there’s a third one, freeze. That was usually my response… even if I  **hated** when it happened, I didn’t know  _ how _ to defend myself. I was scared to!” She paused, leaning back, sighing. Her face clearly reflected her dolor. He reached over to hold her hand, never taking his eyes off her. 

“Why’d it change?” “It got worse, and more… frequent. He-” she cut herself off with a whimper. He’d never seen her so grief-stricken, even after the months they spent fighting the shadow court. “You don't have to say.” She had screwed her eyes shut, trying not to cry. Struggling to slow her breathing. Biting her lip, hard, willing herself to stop. “It's okay to cry, Raine. Especially when it’s about something like this.” “No! I don't want him to have that  power over me.” “And he doesn't! You haven't made your life about your trauma.  _ He _ hasn't made your life about your trauma. You're one of the strongest people I know, and I  _ know _ the only person who has control over your life, is  you .” 

“You know that's not true.” 

“Raine, if he was actually in control of you, you would've never moved from Riverbend. You would've never gone to The Temple of Ellara, or through deadwood. Aerin and the Shadow court would still have power. That was all you - he had no control over that.” She smiled a little bit at that. She knew he was right, at least on some level. 

“Can I ask you something?” She nodded.

“You said it started when Kade wasn't in the house… Did it only happen when it was just you two home?” 

“No. Kade and I shared a room, but we never had a set bedtime or anything, you know? So if I wasn't in bed when Kade was, it's not like a red flag was raised.” His brows knit, “So… How did everything... happen then?” “What do you mean?” “Like, how did he get you alone then?” She sighed. “Oh…” “Sorry, you don't have to answer if you don't want to.”

“No, no. You're fine, he uh, ” she paused. “He actually used Kade against me.” Mal’s eyebrows raised at that “I thought you said Kade didn't know.” “He didn't. Just, that farmer, he knew how close me and my brother were. So he used it against me. He said if I didn't come with him into his room - or wherever - he would go after Kade instead.” 

Mal looked away for a second in disgust. He needed to know who this man was, if he wasn't going to receive lawful justice, Mal wasn't afraid to dole it out himself. He would know the name someday, but right now, he couldn't focus on that. For both their sakes. 

“That’s horrible.” Raine could hear the anger in her partner's voice, even though it was clear he was desperately trying to control it.

There was silence for a moment, both of them sitting in their bitterness.

“I don't think he would've acted on it.” she started, “Looking back, at least. At the time though, I was  _ well aware _ of this man's depravity, and I couldn't risk it. I’ve always been guarding Kade, but that threat made it more severe. I don't know… But I think if he hadn't abused me, I wouldn't have been so protective of him.” She gave a sardonic laugh. “Isn't that fucked? He’s my godsdamn younger brother! I should've been that protective of him anyways! I-” 

“Raine. You shouldn't have to have worried about that sort of thing in the first place.” she scoffed. “You're one to talk.” That took him back, “Excuse me?” 

She very visibly cringed, sighing. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean it- I'm just tired. Of everything.” “What did you even mean?” She looked down. “Just, you're a realist. You always seem to think you  have to be prepared for anything. Doesn't matter age or place.” “Raine, me being a realist doesn't mean I think shit like that  _ should _ happen. It's just that it can. No child should have to be prepared for abuse.” 

She rested her face against her hands. “I know, I'm sorry, that was unfair.” He put his arm gently around her shoulders, kissing her softly on her temple. “It’s alright, I get it… me being realistic though, means I know this guy won't get legal justice. But that doesn't mean  _ we _ can't give him any.” 

She looked up. “What?” “Not anytime soon, but someday let's go back to Riverbend, and hurt him tenfold.” he gave her a bit of mischievous smile, even if he meant it with legitimate animosity. She looked into his eyes for a solid minute, not knowing what she was searching for, really. But just as soon as she started, she had stopped and looked down. “We can't.”

“Kit, I don't care how respected he is, he-”

“No, I mean, we literally can't. He died a few years ago.” her voice was soft, uncertain.

“Oh.” he didn't know how to respond to that, not sure if it was good or bad news. Yes, that means he can't hurt anyone anymore. But he didn't face any repercussions.

“I almost went to the funeral. Not because I liked him, but because I thought it’d be weird if a woman he’d seemed to have raised didn't go. I knew everyone would judge me if I hadn't gone. But then I remembered most people in Riverbend  _ already _ looked down on me.” she chuckled slightly, and he returned it. 

“Kade was pretty mad at me though.” 

“He didn't know.”

“I know, but that doesn't mean it didn't suck. And even though he was already gone, and he couldn't hurt me really anymore, I’m still… Afraid of him. I don't know why.” 

“It was a big part of your life.”

“Still. What was he gonna do, you know? Hit me with his gravestone?” 

“No, but it sounded like people would've defended him pretty damn hard.” she nodded.

“Listen Kit, if you decide to be public about that, I'll stand by you, 100%. But you don't, I won't tell a soul.” 

She looked up at him gratefully, taking in his kind eyes and the genuine, but small smile gracing his face. She could also see how  _ tired _ he was. They’d been up at least an hour, but probably more like an hour and a half. She felt it too. “Thank you, Mal.” she paused “For everything. Your discretion and your understanding… I'm fucking lucky.” They laughed a bit. “Thanks, but that's the bare minimum.”

“Yeah. A bare minimum too many people disregard.” On that, they definitely agreed. “But really, you know? Not many people would talk about this, let alone in the middle of the night.” She hesitated, not knowing if she should tell him what she really wanted to say. She ended up deciding for it. “I really love you, Mal.”

He looked a little taken aback, before quickly recovering and smiling. “I love you too, Raine.” 


End file.
